When I Wanted Sunshine I Got Rain
by leila2
Summary: severus is confronted with a piece of his past he'd long thought to be over and done with
1. Default Chapter

TITLE: When I Wanted Sunshine I Got Rain  
  
AUTHOR: Leila  
  
EMAIL: xxxxxleilaxxxxx@yahoo.com.au  
  
DISCLAIMER: Not me, but the wonderful J. K. Rowling  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Do not take without permission  
  
CATEGORY: SS (not too sure about the actual pairing yet)  
  
RATING: Since "R" seems to be the highest possible rating - so I guess "R" it is  
  
PART: 1/?  
  
FEEDBACK: Yes please!!!  
  
VISIT ME: http://au.geocities.com/xxxxxleilaxxxxx/  
  
  
  
When I Wanted Sunshine I Got Rain  
  
Staff meetings... He hated staff meetings - hated them with a passion, even more though when set up without as much as a minimum notice!  
  
But who was he, Severus Snape, to complain? If Albus wanted his staff to come by his office for another night of idle chitchat and fruitless discussion - who was he to decline the man?  
  
Of course he could always make a stand, just the way he usually did when things refused to work his way. After all wasn't this why he'd planted himself in front of the headmaster's fireplace with a huge pile of yet to mark essays on the only heavily overstuffed armchair available? With an angry scowl at no one in particular Severus placed the fifth of fifty still to come papers on the nearby coffee table, having marked the darn thing with an indignant F.  
  
First years! They were almost as bad as unannounced staff meetings, especially considering the nerve of some of those kids - Severus once again scowled at another innocent piece of paper - didn't those brats ever listen to a single word of what he'd said in class? He was highly tempted to dump the whole stack into Albus' fireplace.  
  
"Severus?"  
  
The black-clad figure absentmindedly twirled a stray strand of black hair around his index finger - blissfully oblivious to the dozen or so amused pairs of eyes staring at him.  
  
"Oh Severus?" The headmaster chuckled and with a quick flick of his wand levitated the reason for his portion master's distraction from the man's lap onto the nearby coffee table.  
  
"What the...???" Severus ground out, startled, and sent his a venomous glare towards the only person in the room sure to play pranks on him - Remus Lupin.  
  
Unfortunately and as though to add to the potion master's ire the other wizard refused to let himself be ruffled by Severus' deadly glare. If anything Lupin actually had the audacity to offer his angry colleague a sympathetic smile before pointing a bony finger in Dumbledore's general direction.  
  
Severus rewarded the man's "helpfullness" with an exasperated growl, earing him a couple of barely masked snickers from the rest of his good for nothing staff members.  
  
"Albus?" He frowned and put away his quill.  
  
So much for making a stand!  
  
"Well, my dear Severus," the older wizard gave him his most innocent smile. "Let me just voice how happy I am that you finally decided to join our little get-together."  
  
The potion master's cheek turned the faintest tinge of red - from anger as he hurried reassured himself.  
  
"As I was saying before, Severus," all playfulness had vanished from Dumbledore's eyes and voice when he eventually cleared his throat and turned to face the younger man with a strangely sombre expression. "This is not an ordinary staff meeting."  
  
The headmaster hesitated for a second, looking from one curious face to another until his eyes once again settled on Severus Snape. For some reason he seemed oddly ambiguous in whether or not to let the other wizards and witches in on the issue of today's meeting.  
  
"Well," the old man once again cleared his throat. "The reason I asked you all here tonight - especially you, Severus...," for the third time in a row Dumbledore left his sentence unfinished and a new set of wrinkles appeared on his already wrinkly forehead. "My dear friends, I asked you to here tonight, because this afternoon I found myself confronted with a situation of which I'm not sure about how to handle..."  
  
The headmaster's usually all twinkly blue eyes held nothing of their usual humor when once again they sought out the potion master. Finding himself in the center of not just Albus' but also his entire colleagues attention Severus hastened to treat the whole lot to a group scowl.  
  
"Severus, everyone-" ignoring the younger man's deadly glare Dumbledore went on with his sentence, although from his hesitancy it was obvious that he was quite sure how to best phrase his thoughts. "This afternoon Hagrid found the more dead than alive body of Mr Silas Tarrant on one of his round around Hogwarts. I'm sure all of you remember Mr Tarrant from his Hogwarts time - especially you, Severus, since the two of you..."  
  
An iron fist seem cut of the potion master's air supply - Silas Tarran - oh yes, they'd been best friends at some stage in their lives, before no -even after they had joined the dark Lord - Silas Tarrant - Severus' hand flew up to his throat - Silas Tarrant - his childhood friend, the brother he never had, his best man - Silas Tarrant - his fellow Death Eater, spectator in the murder of his wife and daughter.  
  
Severus' heart was beating so hard he felt that every single one of his colleagues had to see or at least hear the boisterous thundering emanating from his chest. Of course Dumbledore was right Tarrant and himself had been friends all through their Hogwarts years and beyond. Not only had their friendship survived their families' individual and at times even combined wrath because of what their fathers had liked to call threateningly poor judgement in either boy's choice of friends, but also five years of separating with each of them studying for their master degrees in different parts of the world.  
  
Silas...  
  
Severus choked the memory of the young man he'd once called his best friend and the way said man eventually had turned on him and the ones close to him seemed to cut of his air supply and made him hyperventilate at the same time.  
  
Sanja -  
  
Catharina -  
  
Severus frantically reached to pull at the collar of his turtleneck shirt. No matter how hard he tried to calm down his lungs refused to draw in oxygen. He was getting increasingly dizzy, colored spots blurring his vision. Somewhere at the border of his sub-conscience and conscience a tiny little vice whispered to him to get a grip on himself and stop acting like a fool in front of his headmaster and colleagues. But even the knowledge of him behaving so very much out of character to keep the gossip factory up and running for the next couple of centuries didn't manage to rouse him from the firm grips of his self-inflicted nightmare.  
  
Looking back Severus didn't have a trace of an idea why he had introduced young Silas Tarrant first to the dark arts and eventually to the Dark Lord - especially since his that time friend had never shown an interest in either to begin with. If only he had known the immense impact his foolish ambition to share the latest direction his life had taken at that time would have had on Tarrant...  
  
"Severus?"  
  
The headmaster's gentle voice interrupted his train of thought and the older man's warm, comforting hand patting his shoulder managed what he hadn't been able to do by himself - it cut through and shooed of the nightmare that was his past.  
  
"Severus, my child," Albus tapped the tip of his chin in order to catch his attention. "When Hagrid found Mr Tarrant, the man was barely conscious - barely holding on to life," Dumbledore made a grave pause. "He asked for you, Severus, according to Hagrid Mr Tarrant has been rather determined of the fact that you needed to know about /rain/." The older wizard gave his potion master a questioning look. "Does this mean anything to you?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Please, my Lord, let me have the child." Frozen Severus watched his sandy-haired friend kneeling in front of the Dark Lord, kissing the hem of his cloak - begging him - all the while lustfully gazing at the battered and bleeding body of his baby girl.  
  
~Please let him refuse!~ Although in no way a religious man Severus prayed to whatever higher force willing to listen. ~Please don't let him give her to Silas!~  
  
"Have her, my loyal servant!"  
  
~Please no!!!~ He was hyperventilating unable to do anything to but to stand frozen on the spot and gaze from his daughter to the man who only a couple of months ago had fed, laughed and played with his little girl - Silas Tarrant - the same man he up until now had thought of as a friend.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
"... and so despite the fact that every single person in this room has been acquainted with Mr Tarrant at some stage in their lives, I feel that you, Severus," the warm fingers squeezing the potion master's boney shoulder tightened their hold for a second. "Are the only one in our midst who can tell us for sure whether or not anything coming from Mr Tarrant can be trusted."  
  
~Can be trusted~  
  
Shaking off the headmaster's comforting hand Severus leaped to his feet. He couldn't do it - the memory of the happy sandy-haired boy he'd once called his best friend and the disastrous turn their friendship had taken in the end made him sick to his stomach.  
  
~Sanja~  
  
~His sunshine~  
  
~His precious baby girl~  
  
He could still see Tarrant hovering over the limp form of his three year- old daughter sprawled out on the damp and cold floor of the dimly lit cavern the Dark Lord had summoned his faithful Death Eaters at that night. Oh yes, he remembered exactly how the sick bastard had picked up his unconscious child; how he had caressed and sniffed the silken skin of her face - all the while looking him straight in the eye, daring him to voice any kind of objection.  
  
Merlin, how much he had wanted to kill the disgusting pedophile back then - still did - especially after the man's taunting little comment crudely tossed his way mere seconds he'd Apparated from the cavern, taking whatever there had been left of Sanja away from him.  
  
"Sev?"  
  
Only now - when a pair of strong arms found their way around his waist and physically forced him to back away from window frame - did he realize that he must have been banging his head against the damn thing for quite some time. He didn't even had to turn around or take a glimpse at the person gutsy enough to invade his personal space in order to know exactly who he was dealing with: Remus Lupin!  
  
"It's okay, Sev, we're all here, nobody's gonna hurt you."  
  
~The nerve of this man - how dare he talk to him as to a lost little child!!!~  
  
With one angry jerk Severus tried to shake of his human bonds - yet to no avail.  
  
~Must be getting close to a full moon,~ he reckoned, when the other man's hold even tightened. ~Well, strong measures require strong countermeasures.~  
  
"Get off of me, you rotten carnivore!" Severus thundered without the slighted trace of a warning and quickly used his fortunately unrestrained arms to elbow Lupin in the ribs. He was getting sick and tired of the liberties his fellow teacher had ever so slowly come to allow himself around him. Okay, maybe it did feel good to feel another person's touch on his skin - although he sure as hell wouldn't confess to such feelings out loud, not under torture let alone in front of a mob of snickering colleagues!  
  
~In front a mob of snickering colleagues?~  
  
Severus froze, realizing the malicious werewolf must have grabbed him right in the middle of Albus' office room.  
  
"LUPIN!!!"  
  
On his forehead an angry blue vein started to pulse and show, indicating that he was just about ready to skin the bloody moron. Fortunately for either one of them the other man immediately stepped back, looking rather smug and satisfied with himself.  
  
Severus growled. 


	2. part 2

hi there - chapter 1 hold everything i posted of this story so far and chapter 2 actually is the new chapter (unfortuantely i had to work with replace chapter since ff.net took down one of my stories and decided they needed to freeze my account) anyway, at least it got me going and therefore i now have my own web page. the url is: http://au.geocities.com/xxxxxleilaxxxxx  
  
love, leila  
  
  
  
  
  
TITLE: When I Wanted Sunshine I Got Rain  
  
AUTHOR: Leila  
  
EMAIL: xxxxxleilaxxxxx@yahoo.com.au  
  
DISCLAIMER: Not me, but the wonderful J. K. Rowling  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Do not take without permission  
  
CATEGORY: SS (not too sure about the actual pairing yet)  
  
RATING: Since "R" seems to be the highest possible rating - so I guess "R" it is  
  
PART: 5/?  
  
FEEDBACK: Yes please!!!  
  
VISIT ME: http://au.geocities.com/xxxxxleilaxxxxx/  
  
  
  
  
  
When I Wanted Sunshine I Got Rain -5-  
  
"Severus?"  
  
Remus Lupin carefully watched the tall motionless figure whose eyes were gazing unseeingly around Dumbledore's office. In all of their almost 30 years of acquaintance he had never ever seen the other man so tense, so very close to the edge. Ever since the headmaster had mentioned their former class mate and Severus' childhood friend Silas Tarrant emotions such as fear, anger, hurt and betrayal were rolling off of the dark-haired wizard in thundering waves.  
  
Remus had no idea what may have happened between the two of them. All through their Hogwarts time they had been the best of friends - inseparably - for all that he knew. After all he'd spent many hours of quietly nurturing his jealousy of the shy sandy-haired boy who'd happen to wrap young Severus around his little finger seemingly without as much as a conscious effort.  
  
His younger self had been intrigued with Severus Snape the moment he'd set eyes on the reserved dark-haired boy. In fact he'd even tried to talk the sorting hut into sorting him into Slytherin, since - the things he'd picked up on the trip to Hogwarts - had pretty much convinced him that Slytherin would be the house young Severus was most likely to be sorted into. The stubborn hut, however, had refused him his heart's desire and placed him into Gryffindor instead and therefore ruined his chance to ever getting close to the other child. For weeks he had been upset about his sorting, especially when forced to watch Severus almost instantly taking a liking to young Silas Tarrant - tailing the boy's every step.  
  
Up until today Remus had no idea what Severus had seen in the sandy-haired kid. He had often wondered how somebody as charismatic as Severus had come to notice someone as shy and quiet as little Silas Tarrant who at more than one time had remind him of Remus himself. If anything the boy had been plain - average build, average height, average anything. And if there was a word Remus would have used to describe himself it was plain - so much for similarities.  
  
After close to 30 years it was still a puzzle to him how boy so polite and self-absorbed as Silas could have been sorted into Slytherin. Of course he had been secretive and sly - how secretive and sly exactly Remus had only fully come to realize after the Shrieking Shack incident when Silas had come to visit Severus in the hospital wing, greeting him with a somewhat annoyed, "I told you that he was, so why did you have to go and almost get yourself killed for?"  
  
He had been scared shitless at that time, wondering when and how Tarrant was to put his knowledge of Remus' illness to good use. However, much to his surprise, the kid had never ever as much as mentioned his illness again. It had been from that time that he had started to watch Silas Tarrant a lot more closely. This way he had come to learn a lot about the other boy over the years. One of the first things being that there'd been hardly anything to escape Tarrant's ever watchful eye and second the amazing maturity with which the boy had always handled his observations. No matter what he learned he would never treat it in the typical Slytherin attention drawing way - and as time had gone by Remus ever so slowly had come to realize what exactly Severus all along had seen in Tarrant.  
  
  
  
  
  
tbc 


	3. part 3

TITLE: When I Wanted Sunshine I Got Rain  
  
AUTHOR: Leila  
  
EMAIL: xxxxxleilaxxxxx@yahoo.com.au  
  
DISCLAIMER: Not me, but the wonderful J. K. Rowling  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Do not take without permission  
  
CATEGORY: SS (not too sure about the actual pairing yet)  
  
RATING: Since "R" seems to be the highest possible rating - so I guess "R" it is  
  
PART: 3/?  
  
FEEDBACK: Yes please!!!  
  
VISIT ME: http://au.geocities.com/xxxxxleilaxxxxx/  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
When I Wanted Sunshine I Got Rain -3-  
  
Severus' heart was beating so hard he felt that every single one of his colleagues had to see or at least hear the boisterous thundering emanating from his chest. Of course Dumbledore was right Tarrant and himself had been friends all through their Hogwarts years and beyond. Not only had their friendship survived their families' individual and at times even combined wrath because of what their fathers had liked to call threateningly poor judgement in either boy's choice of friends, but also five years of separating with each of them studying for their master degrees in different parts of the world.  
  
Silas...  
  
Severus choked the memory of the young man he'd once called his best friend and the way said man eventually had turned on him and the ones close to him seemed to cut of his air supply and made him hyperventilate at the same time.  
  
Sanja -  
  
Catharina -  
  
Severus frantically reached to pull at the collar of his turtleneck shirt. No matter how hard he tried to calm down his lungs refused to draw in oxygen. He was getting increasingly dizzy, colored spots blurring his vision. Somewhere at the border of his sub-conscience and conscience a tiny little vice whispered to him to get a grip on himself and stop acting like a fool in front of his headmaster and colleagues. But even the knowledge of him behaving so very much out of character to keep the gossip factory up and running for the next couple of centuries didn't manage to rouse him from the firm grips of his self-inflicted nightmare.  
  
Looking back Severus didn't have a trace of an idea why he had introduced young Silas Tarrant first to the dark arts and eventually to the Dark Lord - especially since his that time friend had never shown an interest in either to begin with. If only he had known the immense impact his foolish ambition to share the latest direction his life had taken at that time would have had on Tarrant...  
  
"Severus?"  
  
The headmaster's gentle voice interrupted his train of thought and the older man's warm, comforting hand patting his shoulder managed what he hadn't been able to do by himself - it cut through and shooed of the nightmare that was his past.  
  
"Severus, my child," Albus tapped the tip of his chin in order to catch his attention. "When Hagrid found Mr Tarrant, the man was barely conscious - barely holding on to life," Dumbledore made a grave pause. "He asked for you, Severus, according to Hagrid Mr Tarrant has been rather determined of the fact that you needed to know about /rain/." The older wizard gave his potion master a questioning look. "Does this mean anything to you?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Please, my Lord, let me have the child." Frozen Severus watched his sandy-haired friend kneeling in front of the Dark Lord, kissing the hem of his cloak - begging him - all the while lustfully gazing at the battered and bleeding body of his baby girl.  
  
~Please let him refuse!~ Although in no way a religious man Severus prayed to whatever higher force willing to listen. ~Please don't let him give her to Silas!~  
  
"Have her, my loyal servant!"  
  
~Please no!!!~ He was hyperventilating unable to do anything to but to stand frozen on the spot and gaze from his daughter to the man who only a couple of months ago had fed, laughed and played with his little girl - Silas Tarrant - the same man he up until now had thought of as a friend.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
tbc 


	4. part 4

hi there - ff.net took down one of my stories, so i decided to finally go ahead and get myself a web page of my own. the url is: http://au.geocities.com/xxxxxleilaxxxxx  
  
love, leila  
  
TITLE: When I Wanted Sunshine I Got Rain  
  
AUTHOR: Leila  
  
EMAIL: xxxxxleilaxxxxx@yahoo.com.au  
  
DISCLAIMER: Not me, but the wonderful J. K. Rowling  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Do not take without permission  
  
CATEGORY: SS (not too sure about the actual pairing yet)  
  
RATING: Since "R" seems to be the highest possible rating - so I guess "R" it is  
  
PART: 4/?  
  
FEEDBACK: Yes please!!!  
  
VISIT ME: http://au.geocities.com/xxxxxleilaxxxxx/  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
When I Wanted Sunshine I Got Rain -4-  
  
"... and so despite the fact that every single person in this room has been acquainted with Mr Tarrant at some stage in their lives, I feel that you, Severus," the warm fingers squeezing the potion master's boney shoulder tightened their hold for a second. "Are the only one in our midst who can tell us for sure whether or not anything coming from Mr Tarrant can be trusted."  
  
~Can be trusted~  
  
Shaking off the headmaster's comforting hand Severus leaped to his feet. He couldn't do it - the memory of the happy sandy-haired boy he'd once called his best friend and the disastrous turn their friendship had taken in the end made him sick to his stomach.  
  
~Sanja~  
  
~His sunshine~  
  
~His precious baby girl~  
  
He could still see Tarrant hovering over the limp form of his three year- old daughter sprawled out on the damp and cold floor of the dimly lit cavern the Dark Lord had summoned his faithful Death Eaters at that night. Oh yes, he remembered exactly how the sick bastard had picked up his unconscious child; how he had caressed and sniffed the silken skin of her face - all the while looking him straight in the eye, daring him to voice any kind of objection.  
  
Merlin, how much he had wanted to kill the disgusting pedophile back then - still did - especially after the man's taunting little comment crudely tossed his way mere seconds he'd Apparated from the cavern, taking whatever there had been left of Sanja away from him.  
  
"Sev?"  
  
Only now - when a pair of strong arms found their way around his waist and physically forced him to back away from window frame - did he realize that he must have been banging his head against the damn thing for quite some time. He didn't even had to turn around or take a glimpse at the person gutsy enough to invade his personal space in order to know exactly who he was dealing with: Remus Lupin!  
  
"It's okay, Sev, we're all here, nobody's gonna hurt you."  
  
~The nerve of this man - how dare he talk to him as to a lost little child!!!~  
  
With one angry jerk Severus tried to shake of his human bonds - yet to no avail.  
  
~Must be getting close to a full moon,~ he reckoned, when the other man's hold even tightened. ~Well, strong measures require strong countermeasures.~  
  
"Get off of me, you rotten carnivore!" Severus thundered without the slighted trace of a warning and quickly used his fortunately unrestrained arms to elbow Lupin in the ribs. He was getting sick and tired of the liberties his fellow teacher had ever so slowly come to allow himself around him. Okay, maybe it did feel good to feel another person's touch on his skin - although he sure as hell wouldn't confess to such feelings out loud, not under torture let alone in front of a mob of snickering colleagues!  
  
~In front a mob of snickering colleagues?~  
  
Severus froze, realizing the malicious werewolf must have grabbed him right in the middle of Albus' office room.  
  
"LUPIN!!!"  
  
On his forehead an angry blue vein started to pulse and show, indicating that he was just about ready to skin the bloody moron. Fortunately for either one of them the other man immediately stepped back, looking rather smug and satisfied with himself.  
  
Severus growled.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
tbc 


	5. part 5

hi there - ff.net took down one of my stories, so i decided to finally go ahead and get myself a web page of my own. the url is: http://au.geocities.com/xxxxxleilaxxxxx  
  
love, leila  
  
TITLE: When I Wanted Sunshine I Got Rain  
  
AUTHOR: Leila  
  
EMAIL: xxxxxleilaxxxxx@yahoo.com.au  
  
DISCLAIMER: Not me, but the wonderful J. K. Rowling  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Do not take without permission  
  
CATEGORY: SS (not too sure about the actual pairing yet)  
  
RATING: Since "R" seems to be the highest possible rating - so I guess "R" it is  
  
PART: 5/?  
  
FEEDBACK: Yes please!!!  
  
VISIT ME: http://au.geocities.com/xxxxxleilaxxxxx/  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
When I Wanted Sunshine I Got Rain -5-  
  
"Severus?"  
  
Remus Lupin carefully watched the tall motionless figure whose eyes were gazing unseeingly around Dumbledore's office. In all of their almost 30 years of acquaintance he had never ever seen the other man so tense, so very close to the edge. Ever since the headmaster had mentioned their former class mate and Severus' childhood friend Silas Tarrant emotions such as fear, anger, hurt and betrayal were rolling off of the dark-haired wizard in thundering waves.  
  
Remus had no idea what may have happened between the two of them. All through their Hogwarts time they had been the best of friends - inseparably - for all that he knew. After all he'd spent many hours of quietly nurturing his jealousy of the shy sandy-haired boy who'd happen to wrap young Severus around his little finger seemingly without as much as a conscious effort.  
  
His younger self had been intrigued with Severus Snape the moment he'd set eyes on the reserved dark-haired boy. In fact he'd even tried to talk the sorting hut into sorting him into Slytherin, since - the things he'd picked up on the trip to Hogwarts - had pretty much convinced him that Slytherin would be the house young Severus was most likely to be sorted into. The stubborn hut, however, had refused him his heart's desire and placed him into Gryffindor instead and therefore ruined his chance to ever getting close to the other child. For weeks he had been upset about his sorting, especially when forced to watch Severus almost instantly taking a liking to young Silas Tarrant - tailing the boy's every step.  
  
Up until today Remus had no idea what Severus had seen in the sandy-haired kid. He had often wondered how somebody as charismatic as Severus had come to notice someone as shy and quiet as little Silas Tarrant who at more than one time had remind him of Remus himself. If anything the boy had been plain - average build, average height, average anything. And if there was a word Remus would have used to describe himself it was plain - so much for similarities.  
  
After close to 30 years it was still a puzzle to him how boy so polite and self-absorbed as Silas could have been sorted into Slytherin. Of course he had been secretive and sly - how secretive and sly exactly Remus had only fully come to realize after the Shrieking Shack incident when Silas had come to visit Severus in the hospital wing, greeting him with a somewhat annoyed, "I told you that he was, so why did you have to go and almost get yourself killed for?"  
  
He had been scared shitless at that time, wondering when and how Tarrant was to put his knowledge of Remus' illness to good use. However, much to his surprise, the kid had never ever as much as mentioned his illness again. It had been from that time that he had started to watch Silas Tarrant a lot more closely. This way he had come to learn a lot about the other boy over the years. One of the first things being that there'd been hardly anything to escape Tarrant's ever watchful eye and second the amazing maturity with which the boy had always handled his observations. No matter what he learned he would never treat it in the typical Slytherin attention drawing way - and as time had gone by Remus ever so slowly had come to realize what exactly Severus all along had seen in Tarrant.  
  
  
  
tbc 


End file.
